Good afternoon from Kenya!

This morning, Bri, Julius, Edna and I all went to church. It wasn't anything I've ever experienced. The joy, the beauty, the excitement was amazing. And it wasn't in a building, it was in a tent. But somehow they had a screen in there. It reminded me a little of Axis.

After eating my first full meal in Kenya (the food isn't terrible, but I won't lie, I miss illegal petes, and just normal food and ice) we wandered around a market where I was picking up ideas for gifts. Now we are checking email and going back to rest soon. Today really has been a day of rest, which is good in light of tomorrow.

Tomorrow we start working. There is a little bit of fear out of the language barrier. There is a fear that I won't be enough, and I know I'm not enough, but still if I'm the only person this year playing with these kids and loving on them, i want to give it my all.

Come back tomorrow and see how it goes...one can only guess.

Currently, I'm exhausted. Not just the exhuasted of jet lag, but that deep exhaustion that often leaves you so tired that even sleep won't help.

We landed yesterday evening and once all the bags were collected, we traveled to the guest house. The beds were so comfortable, the sleep so sound, even the bird that awoke me didn't bother me.

Today, we traveled to the orphanage where we will spending our time. We drove through parts of town that are hectic and then through the part of towns you would never imagine living. We started our tour in the handicap room and my heart broke. The tears ran down my face and not out of pity.

Someone once told me that they didn't have to love or be kind to the grocery store bagger, the person who swept the movie theater because he didn't have the capacity. As I stood in that room today, what I realized is he is a selfish bastard. You can't choose to love one person and hate another because you don't have the capacity. You love all...simple enough. You might give more to some than you do others, but you love all. I thought about this man and whether or not he would love these children. All they want is someone to stare into their eyes, take them outside and love on them. Since he refuses to have the capacity to love, I, in turn, make the decision to love fully, extravagantly. I was sadden that people like him choose not to love all and that my love wouldn't be enough for these kids either. But for the next 2 weeks, it will all I can give.

So now, I'm off to take a nap and read. I'm doing lots of reading and then sit around and chat this evening. Living in the balance of what happens next and whatever happens happens is hard place for me stay, but in this land, that's all you can do.

$3275

I just received my final tab for the trip and this is how much I have left to raise.

I often fear that I'm not going to make it. My friend Bri is a rockstar and only has like $380 left to raise. She's kicking ass and taking names as she gets all of her funds in way before she even has to.

I'm trying to remain faithful, that it will all come together, but sometimes it's hard to remember...

So, still looking for donors...near and far.

I'm feeling that I could get desperate really quick and I don't want to be desperate.

The habit of giving only enhances the desire to give. -- Walt Whitman

One would think after fundraising for 3 years, I would get use to this...the waiting, the wondering, the stress, the confusion. And yet, every time, it's a new experience.

I stand in awe in the people giving to my trip. I feel so loved through their generosity. Surprises in the faces who give, in the amounts they give, why they give. Having their support continues to push me to give as much as possible while I am in Kenya.

There are moments when I wonder, if I will go, what will happen to me while I am there, what will be broken, what will be resurrected, what will die and what will live. And while it's easy to stand in the fear of knowing and not knowing, for me, it only pushes me towards love. How can I love more here, how can I love more when I get to Kenya. What does it mean in light of my journey.

So, to my supporters, thank you...you are helping me realize a dream, which is an indescribable feeling.

Why stress just might kill me...

Sometimes I wonder if I take on too much at once...I've never been someone with killer patience. I often want to do more than I can.

Case and point...

Buying a townhouse....Last night, as I sat around with my beautiful friends, we realized what this opportunity means for all of us. A space for us to grow into, where we can be comfortable and relaxed with each other. And what it means for me...it's going to be an amazing opportunity.

Moving up in my career...beautiful and dangerous at the same time. Having people recognize what I am capable of is always a good thing...changing positions, probably not ideal in the midst of everything.

Kenya...I'm nervous about making my fundraising goals. I shouldn't be, I know that the trip is suppose to happen and I'm suppose to be on it. I feel it in my gut, but what if? What if I can't do it? What if I can't find the money? Maybe it's a bad idea...(I know it's not, but this is a thought that is running through my head).


Anyways, I'm hoping my attitude changes before New Orleans because I want to enjoy my time...but I'm also hoping that stress isn't real and that everything will eventually come together. Until then, I think I'll go get some coldstone.

Do the (RED) Thing

My friend Frank wrote recently on how the (RED) manifesto might actually be something that could change the world.

The (RED) manifesto states, in not so many words, that if you buy a (RED) product, you are in fact helping the AIDS pandemic in Africa. And who wouldn't want to help stop that? I received a (RED) razor for Christmas, in part because I needed a new phone, and in part for my trip to Kenya.

I don't know what is being stirred in me, but I want to help this pandemic. I believe that we could change the world if we saved Africa (and I don't mean the evangelical Christian definition of saved either).

So, what can you do? You can buy a (RED) product, you can support me on my trip to Kenya, and ultimately, you can figure out how save the Continent of Africa before it's gone.

Buy (RED).